Nibbles n Bits

Ack! I have issues with food. Not just disordered issues but like real physical health issues. Sometimes the two cross boundaries and I get stuck in the middle of their feud. It drives Jigger fuckana nuts. Not only do I not eat certain foods because of texture. The few foods I do eat have suddenly started to make me sick. Not suddenly. Almost eight months ago I started developing heart burn. Like raging, alien gut bursting heart burn. I started cutting foods out until I narrowed it down to two specific foods. I no longer eat those foods. I also no longer have heart burn and no longer vomit daily. My IBS has also VASTLY improved by eliminating those two foods. 

But then there are days when there are foods I do eat, but I'm just not feeling that hungry so I just eat a little. Which upsets Jigger I should EAT the way he does. This makes me feel out of control so in order to gain a little bit of control I just STOP. EATING. altogether. I'll show you. I know this is wrong. I know I am wrong, but it's a reflex action. I'm working on it. 

So now I'm trying to patch things up because I didn't eat dinner. It was one of the two forbidden foods. There was almost a fight, but it fizzled as quickly as it began. I'm trying, but sometimes I get pissed that I have to try so hard. Why only me? The little two year inside of me stomps her feet and sticks out her lip and wonders "why does she have to play by the rules when no one else does"? 

I wish I had an answer for her.