I was looking at the prompts for Smash365. A lot of my posts are inspired by their prompts. The prompt a day or so ago was interconnectedness. It was based upon the idea of six degrees of separation. That we are all only separated by six people. This got me thinking about how I connect to myself and my surroundings.
I have very little if any attachment to "things". I don't save things even from when my children were little. There is no feeling of attachment or connection to any "thing". I am the complete opposite of a hoarder. I throw EVERYTHING out if I haven't used it in a month, then it's gone. I can't stand to have "things" sitting around regardless of what it is. It makes me feel crowded, suffocated. I'm not sure the reasoning behind this or what has made me feel so unattached to anything.
Maybe I have been numb for so long. I have not allowed myself to "feel" close to anyone out of fear of rejection. Maybe that feeling of not being close to someone has become so ingrained in me that I have transferred it from people to things. I honestly don't know.
Sometimes I wish I could be attached to something. A place. A person. A reason. Even if an attachment begins to form, it usually fades out pretty quickly. Either I get disappointed or hurt or rejected. Sometimes it's real and sometimes it's my perception of rejection. I so easily let go of things. If I do get a hold of anything, then I sabotage it and push it away. I think I would rather let it go than have it leave me.
But considering I sat in the lap of the Ghamdi brothers when I was 6 I truly believe in six degrees of separation.
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