We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Monday, 9 April 2012

Friendly Deseparation

Sometimes the deseparate nature of my life overwhelms me and consumes me beyond the ability to breathe. I wonder why I don't fall but it seems I've built up such forward momentum it continues to push me forward even when I am unable to draw air into my lungs. I struggle and I fight through the thoughts. The unending supply of thoughts that run through my mind.

The suffocating fear that at times is so paralyzing it freezes me in place and takes the life from my body. Immobilizing me until I'm little more than a seeing carcass. Understanding the chaos that is swirling around but being unable to do anything to slow down its destructive path.

Fear of losing friends, of all I've accomplished. Fear of falling just short.

Crippling, overwhelming fear. Unbearable at times. Suffocating at others. Always present. Always churning. As I deseparately clutch at straws made out of air. At times I'm ready to give in to allow the madness that swirls in my brain to take full control. but that's not an option. Too many people depend on me. Too many lives are at stake.

The only thing stronger than the fear is the worry. the worry that eats away at my stomach. My constant companions. My only allies and faithful friends.

Til the end.


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