We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Shit Happens






It's been ten days since my last post. I feel like I should recite some hail maries or something. I need to make a concious effort to write here more, but I have people in my life that allow me to email them 25 times a day if I need to. So the need to write here has lessened. But sometimes I just need to write. To flow with the words. To bend and twist and twine with them. To let them tickle my toes and blow whispers on my lashes. Sometimes I need to let go. 

Let go of the constant need of perfection. And of the constant fear of rejection when my imperfections are seen. I've made mistakes this week. Not life shattering mistakes. Just tiny little errors in my work. No major catastrophe ensured. They were rectified immediately. But yet I felt that gnawing pain of failure eating away at my insides. Consuming me. Trying to suck me back in. I could feel the wetness of its tongue as it slid over me. Then I pushed it away. It's still there. I can see its shadow. Hears its breath as it draws it in and out. I see him and he sees me, but there is a distance. A distance I wasn't able to put between us before. A distance I'm struggling to maintain, but somehow it remains. 

While in many ways I'm alien, I'm still part humanoid. I'm going to make mistakes but that's ok.. Shit happens. That's why they invented bleach.

3 comments:

Miss Rosie said...

written beautifuly

Mynx said...

I adore the way you write. The words flow with delightful twists and turns.
Yes shit happens and I am glad you have people supporting you. Come back here when you need to. I will be here.

Sapphire Dragonflies said...

I love --- "let them tickle my toes and blow whispers on my lashes."

*hugs*

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