We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Monday, 5 March 2012

Can You Hear Me Now

I'm loud. I don't mean to be.I do have an inside voice. Majority of the time people have to ask me to repeat myself because I speak so lowly. But sometimes when I feel safe and free, when I'm emotional, even happy emotional, I get loud. I don't mean to. I don't know why that is. Jigger  thinks I'm "yelling". I try to watch it. To always be aware of how many decibels are exiting my mouth at any given moment, but that's exhausting. Like trying to walk a tight rope made out of egg shells. Sometimes I forget. 

To be aware. 

And the decibels leak out and Jigger thinks I'm yelling at him and he gets angry and "yells" back. Which causes me to actually start yelling. I don't know why this happens. It's another one of those life isn't fair moments. Where I pout and whine and stomp off to the corner wondering why it is I'm being forced into the world's concepts of right and wrong. So what if I leak more decibels than you. Why shouldn't I be allowed to? In my own home? In my own room? Why am I monitored within the confines of my own four walls? 

Because that's life. So I'm aware and I count the decibels because Jigger puts up with all of the temper tantrums. So for him I count the decibels.

2 comments:

Deus Ex Machina said...

It shouldn't surprise either of us anymore, should it?

Oh yeah, I can get a little loud. It's on my report cards from school. It's started unintentional fights. I'm almost positive everyone I talk to on the phone has to hold the phone a foot from their ear. I used to think it was just part of my napoleon complex because of my size. But now I'm almost positive it is probably a hypomanic thing, especially because it happens most often when we are excited or happy or in a deep conversation about something we have a passionate opinion about. When me and my mom get together in the same room, we literally send everyone else in the house outside. We don't even realize it until we stop and look around the room and everyone is staring at us like we're a grenade about to explode LOL. Yeah, I know all about the loud problem LOL.

Maasiyat said...

Nope. Not even a little. And yea don't get me started on something I like because holy cow I'll be loud.

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