We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Riddle Me This

(This was a draft I found in my drafts folder. I wrote it back in March. Just found it today thought I would hit publish so I did. Suck on it)

One of the hardest things for me is being misunderstood. I am not sure if I am different because of bipolar or if I have bipolar because I am different. Either way, I am different. However I am content in my difference. I would be happy in my difference if other people would accept that I am fine without being like them. I don't need to wear the latest name brand. Forget wear it. I don't even know it. I don't need to be bought things on "days". Forget bought things, I don't even remember what "day" it is. Just because I don't remember the day doesn't mean I don't love them. It just means I don't think love is contained within a "day".

It's funny to me how people are told to "be themselves", but when I am myself, people seem to get offended. Why is this my problem? You told me to "be myself", but people don't really want that. They want cookie cutter happiness. They think only their happiness is real happiness and unless I act just like them then I cannot possibly be "happy". So I do what they want and pretend, but then I am not really happy, and my insincerity shows. Then people get upset with me because I am not being sincere but instead being fake.

I don't understand what it is people want. I don't understand why it is that I am the crazy one when it is them who can't make up their fucking minds about what they want me to do. Which is why I don't give a furry rat's ass what they think and just do what I want instead. Of course that could explain why I have so few friends. I don't need to smile like the Joker to be happy. Did you ever see Batman smile? No. So why in hell do you people want me to be the Joker when I so obviously have perfected the Batman no smile?

While I would like to think their concern is out of care and love for me, it really isn't. It's their own selfishness that causes them to want me to be "happy". They don't care if I am truly sincerely happy. They just want the appearance of their definition of happiness so they feel better. So they can have their own little make believe Gotham.Except Gotham doesn't work like that and neither do I.

It really is possible to be happy without owning heels or makeup or jewellry or insert other girly thing here. So just let me be.


lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog said...

If you are true to who and what you are, then your mental illness is an attribute people have to deal with.

I like who you are a lot.

Yesterday I said to Bobina "do you ever get tired of me being so stressed and anxious". She said "no, then you wouldn't be yourself."

Haven said...

Cheers. If people can't accept you for who you are, whoever that is, than they're not worth the time. No one can make everyone happy. Hell, no one can make most people happy. Just work on your own happiness and the people that matter will appreciate your happiness too when you find it.

Miss Rosie said...

CAN I GET A AMEN!!!! I am so freakin tired of having to keep my mouth shut or act a certain way to keep from offending people. 10 years ago I had no problem telling someone how I felt, but these days I have to just stand there and smile rather than smack the $%&@ out of someone when thats what I realy want to do.

I like you just the way you are :)

Maasiyat said...

Lance, I love that you said this. People want to ignore the crazy, but it's as much a part of me as my intelligence (or lack thereof) is. To ignore it is to ignore and deny a major aspect of who I am. It's very hurtful and is what often causes people to not get better. If everyone around you ignores it, then it makes you want to ignore it too. Hmm I feel a blog post coming from this. Thanks for the inspiration.

Haven, love your honesty. So could not agree more.

Miss Rosie, Amen. Unfortunately I still have no problem telling people what I think. As much as people say they want truth, they really don't. They just want their version of fairy tale and then close their eyes to reality.

Btw I like you all just the way you are too which is why I stalk you incessantly.

Meredith said...

Everything said above is so true. Maasiyat, ignoring the crazy is so much a problem. It is like ignoring hunger or anything that needs attention. What we resist persists: so says my wife. I find it to be true. Thank you for digging this post out of your computer. We humans have visited the concept many times but it goes to show we have not learned to be better at it. However, we different people do seem to find each other. when I am feeling too different from my surroundings/family/world, I turn to the computer because I know I will always find some connection despite the lack of physical presence. Often that is all I need...that and to write!

damyantiwrites said...

Thanks for sharing this post with the world.

I have to tell you that most of us go through the same issues of being judged by other people's standards. If you are happy being who you are, that is what matters.

As long as people do not go out of their way to insult, injure, maim or murder, how they are is entirely their business, I think. But sadly most folks won't agree.

I hear you.

Thanks for visiting my blog and the comment.

The Bipolar Diva said...

I think we should hang out and be ourselves, our true selves and revel in the fact that we get it!

Maasiyat said...

Meredith, definitely a problem. People seem to think if they ignore it, then somehow it will go away/get better/turn into something else. I too escape in my computer. I have mentioned it many times on my blog, but I have to admit that I have found so much more acceptance in the blogsphere as opposed to "real life".

damyantiwrties, thanks for stopping by and for your wonderful words of support.

Diva, definitely, you're on my "I don't even drink coffee but will so paddle across to have a cup with" list.

Sapphire Dragonflies said...

I'm finally getting a chance to catch up on blogs today. Yesterday totally sucked, by the way.

This post is so on cue with how I've been feeling lately. I just have a million things I want to say to certain people and feel so stuck with having to keep my mouth shut.

Be prepared for me to vent to you in an email today....

Maasiyat said...

SD, always prepared, always ready and willing for you baby, vent away!!

shah wharton said...

Oh fab! I am a new follower - I also did FB friend request. Hope thats cool? Many 'sincere' thanks for linking this up to our Monday Madness community linky. I'm sure a lotta peeps will get something outta this. We all need to accept ourselves as separate beings who moved through the world differently, but with the same value. Being a people pleaser has served no one valuable in my history - certainly not me! X

BP Jane said...

A+ my friend!! I find that people's criticism and judgement causes me more stress and anxiety than anything else. And I HATE it when people ask "How are you?" because they REALLY DON'T give a CRAP! So WHY do they ask? Why can't they just say "HI" and leave it at that??

I am following you and got here through Shah's Monday Madness. I hope you'll stick around there. I understand why the linky stays the same. I stated my thoughts on it in my response to her post today if you care to read it.



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