We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Nibbles n Bits

Ack! I have issues with food. Not just disordered issues but like real physical health issues. Sometimes the two cross boundaries and I get stuck in the middle of their feud. It drives Jigger fuckana nuts. Not only do I not eat certain foods because of texture. The few foods I do eat have suddenly started to make me sick. Not suddenly. Almost eight months ago I started developing heart burn. Like raging, alien gut bursting heart burn. I started cutting foods out until I narrowed it down to two specific foods. I no longer eat those foods. I also no longer have heart burn and no longer vomit daily. My IBS has also VASTLY improved by eliminating those two foods. 

But then there are days when there are foods I do eat, but I'm just not feeling that hungry so I just eat a little. Which upsets Jigger I should EAT the way he does. This makes me feel out of control so in order to gain a little bit of control I just STOP. EATING. altogether. I'll show you. I know this is wrong. I know I am wrong, but it's a reflex action. I'm working on it. 

So now I'm trying to patch things up because I didn't eat dinner. It was one of the two forbidden foods. There was almost a fight, but it fizzled as quickly as it began. I'm trying, but sometimes I get pissed that I have to try so hard. Why only me? The little two year inside of me stomps her feet and sticks out her lip and wonders "why does she have to play by the rules when no one else does"? 

I wish I had an answer for her.

1 comment:

Deus Ex Machina said...

Because apparently we are the ones that are fucked up, and the rest of society is normal. By this logic, we must conform to their norm. I call bullshit. You already know about my eating issues anyway, so I'm not going to pot-meet-kettle all over your blog. IBS sucks worse than the need for nutrition. Heartburn sucks worse than the need for nutrition. Being out of control sucks worse than the need for nutrition. So, in our heads (meaning you and me), nutrition is way down there on our list of priorities, right next to sticking your hand up a crocodile's ass and going to a Mexican donkey show. *Love*


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