We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Saturday, 25 February 2012

Panic Room

Panic is an odd thing. Addictive. I've lived my entire life in panic mode. I didn't know it until recently when I stopped and then went into withdrawals. I no longer had to make decisions based upon what was absolutely necessary in order to simply SURVIVE for the next 24 hours. I no longer had to toss things aside in order to simply be able to exist beyond the next five minutes. It became my normal. Now it is not and well it's weird. 

At times I find myself, bored? No, not bored, confused? Yes, confused, definitely uncertain. Always waiting for the next catastrophe. Even creating  a few when none occurred because what the fuck else was I suppose to do? Just sit here and be "normal".  That was too weird. I need panic. I need chaos. Not really. It's just I know what to do in the panic and chaos. Without them I feel like I'm lost and in unknown territory. 

It's fucking weird to be normal.

3 comments:

Kristy said...

I was so much in survival mode most of my life whether it be finiacally or what fire I had to put out personally it was never boring. Then I moved in like 2008 and have been bored with my life. I often think of Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. When I'm not surviving I can get in touch with myself. I have my needs meet and have safety etc. It is hard to figure out over the past couple of years who is the real me and have to be comfortable in my own skin.

Deus Ex Machina said...

Oohh..."it's weird to be normal." Exactly.

The Bipolar Diva said...

being normal, or "typical," I guess, takes adjusting. I'm not sure I can.

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