So apparently I have pissed off the gods of sleep because for the last week they have skipped over me and each day I am sleeping less and less. I hate when I am like this. I need sleep. I need routine. I need it to be sane. To think. To function. Without it I'm even more fucked up than normal, and considering the week I have had I need sleep more than ever. So where the fuck did it disappear to and why can I not find it?
I even began exercising again today to try to make myself tired. Just made me MORE awake than I was before. Nothing is working. I know I'm super stressing over shit that I have no control over. Freaking about things that really only exist in my mind.
Jigger is starting a new project. Well it's not new new. It's one we did a couple years ago and had to stop due to lack of finances, but now he wants to restart it. It caused MAJOR problems/fights/disagreements between us before. We both held administrative positions and our approach is polar opposite so it did not ever end well. This time however I am REALLY trying to let go. I told him I would do the design work, but I wanted no part of running it once it was launched. I don't want any sort of administrative position. Don't want any decision making role whatsoever. I told him it's his. Leave me out of it.
In a way I'm glad that I am able to realize my weaknesses and know that I'm not at a point where I CAN work along side him, but it also makes me sad that I CAN'T work along side him. However, for the sake of my few remaining brain cells I have decided this to be the best course of action. Now if only I can remember to stay on it and not meddle when he makes a decision I totally disapprove of because we all know it will happen 0.2 secs after we launch the project.
Now where the fuck is my sleep? Someone fucking stole it I'm sure. Assfucks can't keep their hands to themselves.