Safety Measures and Precautions

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise. ~Tacitus

Determine your desires for safety. What is holding you back from what you really want to do? What makes you think twice about pursuing things on your “bucket,” “to-do,” or “wish” list?
Why do you even have a list at all?

Write about discarding those desires for safety. What is possible for you, right now, if you stopped holding back? Smash 365

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To be safe is one of my greatest desires. Safe from the pain of the world. Safe from the daggers it throws, piercing through me. I remember telling Jigger when we first met that I just wanted to feel "safe". However I very rarely ever do anything that is "safe".

I have flown to the other side of the globe to a country where I knew no one. Didn't speak the language. Didn't have a job or place to live with only $500 in my pocket and no clue what I would do if things didn't work out. I tend to find safety in chaos. In pushing to the edge and then jumping beyond. There is a twisted comfort in the unknown. If I hadn't worked things out, then I would probably be dead so maybe that is my safety net. Pushing so far that if it doesn't work then I won't be around to know.

I wonder where I would be if I had played it safe. Stuck in a hicktown never knowing there is vast expanse of land beyond my little bubble. I have experienced so much and learned so many things I would have never done if I had been "safe". Yet I crave "safe".  Then when I get it I feel bored and push it away. Prefering the uncertainty of unknowing over the mundane comfort of every day living.

I have had moments where I have pushed too far though. Where I have almost broken myself. Yet I somehow manage to pull myself back in  before I completely fall over the edge.. At the moment, the only thing holding me back from doing what I really want to do and the only thing in my entire life that has ever held me back is finances. I dream big. I don't worry about the consequences. If I had the money, then there is no telling what I would have done by now. I always wondered why I never can manage to get ahead financially now I think maybe that is a good thing. Because it is the only thing that keeps me from completely jumping off the cliff.

So I guess for me being "safe" is being different. Pushing against the stream. Not being another faceless entity. Although sometimes I think boring would be good, and then the moment passes and I start  trudging ahead again. The world be damned. It's my way or the highway.