We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Monday, 12 December 2011

Conversations I've Had Recently

I talk to myself. Not in the muttering under my breath, aliens can hear, wear my tin hat kinda way. Also not in the "I hear voices that tell me to slap the stupid out of you" kinda way either. 

Take for instance, my BFF Sam. I talk to Sam pretty much on a daily basis. Literally and in my own quirky way. If I read something, see something, or think something, then in my head I tell Sam. I know Sam well enough I can pretty much guess what her reply will be and in my head I not only hold my end of the conversation but hers as well. I don't know what part of bipolarism this falls in or if it's just part of my own special blend of awesomeness, but after one of our conversations, I have the same exact feeling as if I had actually just spoken with Sam. 

I don't just do this with Sam, but pretty much everyone. Even people I've never actually spoken with. Some random nijjit on the internet might write something that amuses me and I'll make up a conversation with them. Maybe their replies are what I'd want them to say. Maybe it's a conversation I'd hope we'd have. Why I don't just actually message or talk to the person I'm not quite sure. Maybe it's some form of self protection. Maybe I"m just mind fucked (that's my word of the day btw). I've searched on the googletron, but that was less than helpful. I don't really know what to call this or if anyone else even does this. I've never actually told this to anyone either. Not even Sam. Even though we talk everyday.

3 comments:

Haven said...

I do this ALL. The. Time. All the time. Over and over. My conversations will go different ways or the same way each time. But I often hold conversations wiht people I want to talk to (in my own head or aloud when no one is around), or people that I wish would say things to me, or any number of things, every day. I don't know if this is normal or not, but you're definitely not alone.

Deus Ex Machina said...

Oh yes. I do it, too. Sometimes it bites you in the ass, though. Because I will tend to forget when the conversation was virtual as opposed to actual. So when Sarge says (or insert any name here), "Why didn't you talk to me about this?" I usually think, "But I did! I swear we talked about this!" And then he says "Yeah, maybe in your private little fantasy world." And then I'm all like.... "touche..."

Maasiyat said...

I do that too. Not remember if it was real "or virtual".lol I'm gonna have to steal that one and use it. Or when people say "I haven't heard from you in weeks" and I think "but wdidn't we just talk yesterday?"

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