Anonymity is great. I could be Charles Manson for all you know. I'm not but I could be. Have come close on a few occasions but that's neither here nor there. Anonymity allows me a sort of freedom that I don't get in real life. In the last week I've done things most people only dream of. Or don't dream of because they consider it so far out of their reach that it is an impossibility. I'm feeling slightly proud of myself. Before this week, I hadn't really left a mark on the world. There was nothing I could point to and say "I did that." "That's all mine." Now I have something. No one will ever know it's me. No one well except for two people, but beyond those two, no one will ever know.
And I kinda like that. It makes it more mine. It keeps the rot and decay that is associated with me far from it and I like its purity. I like how it sparkles. I like how people think it's special because I can then pretend that I'm special vicariously through the things I do. There is a narcissist inside of me that does want to lay claim to it. To stomp and shout and let people know that something of value can come out decay, but that part is quickly silenced.
So I keep doing what I do and watch others put their name on it. And I'm ok with that. For now. But there's a part of me that I think some day will step forth and lay claim to what is mine. But I'm also certain when that day comes very few would believe a psycho gori ummati slut could ever be associated with such things as that. But at least I know.