We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Reflection in the Mirror

Look! Open your eyes damn it and look! Look at yourself! Look at what you have become! How could you let yourself get in this shape? Damn it I said open your fucking eyes and look!

 That's you. That's what you have become. Do you see that pale face with the glazed eyes? Do you see the tract marks in her arms? Do you see them? Look gawddamnit! 

That's you! Do you remember last night? Do you remember how many you did just so you could get a fix? 

Are you crying? I swear to god I will gut you like a pig if you shed one fucking tear. Now open your gawddamn eyes and look in the fucking mirror. LOOK!!

Are you looking? Do you see what is behind you? That little girl in the corner? Do you see her? Look! Look at her! Sitting there, rocking back and forth holding tight to her teddy. 

Look at her! She is all alone and it's your fault. You abandoned her. She has been sitting there. 


For someone. For anyone to help her, but no one came. Not even you. How long are you going to leave her sitting there?

In pain? 

Don't you dare look away?! Look at her.

 That's it. Go to her. Don't be afraid. Go on. Take her in your arms. Hold her tighter. 

You're ready now. 

"Hello. My name is MJ"

"Hi, MJ"

"Um, I um I um.. 

I was um... my my father um..

M-m-ol.. he raped me..my father raped me and umm this is my um..

first meeting here so umm I just don't really um.. know  what to say...."

You did good today. 


Over there. 

She's smiling. The little girl. She's not frightened anymore.

 Do you see her? She's singing to her teddy now. Look, teddy must have told a funny because she's laughing now. 

"Hello. My name is MJ and today I am a counselor here at Haven House. Looking around the room I see a few new faces and I know what you're feeling. You're scared, nervous, not quite sure what to think. I was you one year ago today so if you need someone to talk to, I am here. I have been where you are and I know what a scary awful place it is, but just know that you're not alone. You have people here that understand what you're going through and are willing to help you. Willing to just listen. 

You're not a bad person, and it's not your fault.

 What happened to you, it wasn't your fault. "

This was for a writing prompt at Studio 30+. The prompt was "Integrity is telling myself the truth. Honesty is telling the truth to other people" Spencer Johnson.


Aimee said...

Oh wow. Not sure what else I can add to that one, hon. Email me if you wanna play darts and junk. I had a bad day yesterday, too.

Kim said...

Holy. Amazing writing.

hed said...



Maasiyat said...

Thanks. I wasn't sure how to actually go about this. Still not sure if it is clear the italicized black section is suppose to be the thoughts in her head that she is telling herself or not.

Haven said...

That's really fantastic. The emotion and tone really come through.

Haven said...

btw... if you want to see pics of my con costume send me an e-mail. Keeping general anonymity for the sake of my blog and all.

Lance said...

i'm trying not to write wow because Aimee.

The intensity with how you express things is so engrossing. I like coming here for that. The fact you are so relatable is icing on the cake.

Good writing

Maasiyat said...

Thanks for all of your support. I am nothing if not intense. It's the only speed I know and I realize this is childish and all beevis and butt head and Hed you know I love you and you're one of my favorite people, but I can't help but snicker like a little school girl whenever I read you're comment.

Awesome. HeAd.

hed said...

It's been my nickname since I was a kid. I'm glad I make you giggle hee hee!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...