We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Friday, 1 July 2011

Shouldn't There Be More

Days like today I look around and wonder if this is all there is. It seems there should be more because if this is all there is, then what is the point? I don't desire any of the things I see others longing for.

Fame. Wealth. Prestige. Power.

They chase after it like dogs. Their tongues lolling about. I sit and watch them and wonder what is so great about this thing called "living" they long to have. You can't take any of it with you when you leave this world so what is the point of it?

What is its true value? I know people think I am crazy. Depressed. Insane. While I may be all of those things, in some ways I think I am more sane, stable, and aware than most people. Yet I don't chase after meaningless things.

Haven is the inspiration for this post. She posted today and she literally pulled the thoughts out of my mind. For hours I have been sitting here trying to figure out if I was dead or alive. Trying to determine if maybe I had fallen into some in between world where I am not alive but haven't yet accepted I have died. I was sitting here watching a movie called The Lovely Bones. If you haven't, then you should. Somewhere in the middle of that movie I thought I wonder if that's what's happened to me. Maybe I just need to let go.

Some days just exhaling seems to make sense. Some days I just want it to be over. Some days I just can't even breathe.


The Bipolar Diva said...

It's a hard path we walk to be certain. I'm sorry :(

MRS PRN said...

I understand exactly how it feels some days which is the depressive side of bipolar...to the point that I look forward to the day I die because living is such an effort. Then it all passes...and up I go again...so that I get tired of the mood swings. And round and round it goes... aaah well.

Borderline Lil said...

The Lovely Bones is awesome. That inbetween-life feeling is not. Hope you feel more passionate about living soon xx

Sapphire Dragonflies said...

Well, I'm not bipolar. Just freakin' depressed. Yet, you managed to speak from where I am too. Most times, I'm just trying to figure out how to disappear.

lancemyblogcanbeatupyourblog said...

It's that place we try to hide when we are just screwed up and don't know what to do.



Maasiyat said...

Diva, some days more than others.

Mizz PRN, it's not depressing and living is not such an effort. It's just about not wanting what others do. It's difficult to explain.

Borderline Lil, I am very passionate about living but what I consider living is not what most people consider living. Therein lies the difficulties.

SD, disappearing is good. Too bad we can't steal harry potter's invisibility cloak

Lance, it's where I live the world is where I hide


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