Days like today I look around and wonder if this is all there is. It seems there should be more because if this is all there is, then what is the point? I don't desire any of the things I see others longing for.
Fame. Wealth. Prestige. Power.
They chase after it like dogs. Their tongues lolling about. I sit and watch them and wonder what is so great about this thing called "living" they long to have. You can't take any of it with you when you leave this world so what is the point of it?
What is its true value? I know people think I am crazy. Depressed. Insane. While I may be all of those things, in some ways I think I am more sane, stable, and aware than most people. Yet I don't chase after meaningless things.
Haven is the inspiration for this post. She posted today and she literally pulled the thoughts out of my mind. For hours I have been sitting here trying to figure out if I was dead or alive. Trying to determine if maybe I had fallen into some in between world where I am not alive but haven't yet accepted I have died. I was sitting here watching a movie called The Lovely Bones. If you haven't, then you should. Somewhere in the middle of that movie I thought I wonder if that's what's happened to me. Maybe I just need to let go.
Some days just exhaling seems to make sense. Some days I just want it to be over. Some days I just can't even breathe.