The Time G.I. Joe Saved My Virginity

Yesterday I wrote my reply to the Studio 30+ writing prompt and it brought up so many memories that I had simply just forgotten. I mean I have had some AMAZING shit happen in my life. Shit that most people only dream about.

When I was 12 going on 21, a movie was filmed in the city I am from. No I won't tell you the movie's name because I don't want none of you stalking me because I know you would. I am just that freaking awesome. So yea. Anyways my mum was manager of this motel and the movie crew/stars rented one whole section of the motel out and were staying there. The movie was being filmed a short ways away. The motel was a trucker's motel. If any of you are from the south, then you must understand what I mean by "trucker's motel". 

For you yanks, let me explain. The motel sat just right off the interstate and had a truckstop next door to it. There was a side of the motel that was only rented "by the hour" for "trucker's use only". In case they wanted to bring their "girlfriend" who got "paid by the hour" over for a few drinks. Do you see where this is going?

Ok so back to my movie. To say that I was star struck would be an understatement. I was a preteen from the boondocks where the most exciting thing that happened was  when the Dairy Queen started staying open past 7 pm on week nights. 

The only actor in the movie that I knew was Bob Orwig. He starred in Platoon for those of you that don't know. So his first day there I set about acquiring his autograph which I got after only 45 mins of surveillence. When he met me I was very much 12. Ripped jeans, pony tail, flip flops, black t-shirt, and I giggled when he winked at me. 

However later that night at the production crew party, I looked nothing like my 12 year old self. The make up, tank top, mini skirt, and knee high black leather boots with a six inch heel concealed my age but very little else. The fact that I was already a D cup didn't help in convincing people I was jail bait either. The stunt coordinator was a Brett Michaels look alike. I decided that he would be the one to take my virginity. He was more than happy to oblige until G.I. Joe stepped in between us and removed his tongue from my throat. 

For the next couple weeks, the crew was pretty busy. Something had happened and they had fallen behind on production, but then 4th of July rolled around and the producers gave the crew two days off. They also bought $500 worth of fireworks and my Brett Michaels wannabe was determined to break the seal that had not yet been broken. 

I had never seen so much alcohol in my life as I did at that party. You name it and it was there. The haze that floated above the motel was not due to weather. Did you know that if you inhale enough second hand pot smoke, you can get just as stoned as if you actually smoked it yourself? Fact. 

My mum had disappeared into someone's motel room  hours earlier. Some didn't even bother to use a room and were fucking in the weeds or their cars. I was into my 6th Budweiser and was more than happy to let my Brett Michaels lookalike slide his hand up my thigh. 

5 more minutes and this story would have ended differently. I don't know where he came from, but out of nowhere, G.I. Joe appeared, pulled Brett Michaels wannnabe off of me and told him, "Dude she is 12 fucking years old. Do you not understand me?

She is T-W-E-L-V-E!!!" 

The Brett Michaels wannabe looked at me slightly confused. His pot filled brain trying to process this information and do the math to determine if indeed 12 was too young. After a couple seconds, his pot filled brain won the argument with the bulge in his pants and I spent the rest of the night sitting on the hood of a black thunderbird drinking beer with G.I. Joe and watching fireworks. 

That is how G.I. Joe saved my virginity. True story.