People are nice in the blogsphere. Have you all noticed this? The majority of the people here seem to follow the rule of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all". It's a strange world to me. Don't get me wrong there are asshats and fucktards in the blogsphere, but they seem to not be as loud as those in real life.
I have found that most people in blogsphere are understanding and non judgemental. They take the time to see the person beneath the flaws. Why don't people do that in real life? I am not saying that playing Farmville while your baby is screaming its head is ok, but I am saying that I understand why people get sucked into this online world.
In real life, most people don't understand me. I am considered rude, bitchy, inconsiderate, bossy, insert other bad word here and that is what people think of me. However, in blogsphere I am flawed but accepted. Understood but not judged. If those are my choices, then why on earth would I choose to live in a world that does nothing but belittle and demean my every action and word? Especially when there is a place I can go that I am accepted. A place where I am not evil. A place where I am "loved".
I understand why this online world is so intoxicating. I understand how it wraps itself around you and makes you feel loved and wanted and just "good". In the end, isn't that really all anyone wants? Just to feel loved and to feel "good" about who they are.
I know that is what happened to me at the beginning of my psychosis. In my real life I was villafied. Hated. Unwanted but online. I was important. Loved. Needed. I had "friends" who listened. Who were there at the click of a mouse. I got lost in that. My whole entire life I had been searching for a place where I was accepted and loved and I found it at the end of a mouse click. I didn't want to let it go. I sacrificed the real world for the imaginary one that was inside my computer. I understand why people get addicted. I understand why people get lost.
It's a lot easier to do than most people realize.
7 comments:
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you would get the same from me in the real world as you do here in Blogland. You wanna be rude and bitchy, go right ahead. I'll just join in the fun. That being said, don't forget that if you ever decide to venture back across the pond, we have a date for coffee. I'll be sure to put us in a good central place where we can toss verbal daggers at people until we overdose on caffeine.
SD, it's a date. What's strange is I don't think I am being rude and bitchy. I just don't see the need for being "perky" and "airhead" 24/7 which translates into "bitch". Although I play the part well.
It's words. So many more words are said online. Words that matter, not silly idle chat. Those words are read with more patience than listening requires. The written responses are thought out with more respect for each word that is used. In spoken conversation, all aspects of your situation might not be spoken or heard. In the written word, you have the opportunity to include everything, your feelings, details as you remember them, tell your story from beginning to end without being interrupted. The reader has time to process all of it, reread, and formulate a response based on all of their emotions and not just a knee-jerk reaction. The internet can bring out the best in inherently good people and the worst in inherently evil people. I think the media and parents tend not to take this into consideration while they are busy vilifying it.
Aimee, as always you say what I am thinking but so way much better. You're absolutely right. The internet in and of itself is not bad. Like with anything, it can be used for bad. I mean priests molest little children everyday and I don't see anyone calling for the vatican to be closed.
Ahh, I was going to write a post about this several times, and each time it got so sickly sweet that I gagged and dry-heaved as I re-read all my unbridled written love towards the people who have been so supportive and generally awesome towards me in the blogosphere. So -- I deleted my drafts, each and every time. And then I see posts like yours and I am so glad I never published that stuff. It was so overflowing with gratitude that it was embarrassing.
I think so many of us who come here share this same sentiment which you managed to capture without dripping it in honey like mine. So thank you for that! Though I still tend to think most people suck, part of my theory about the blogosphere is that it allows people to just engage with your "essence," the real you, without all the distractions of appearance and context and social circumstances, and all the other shit that make people judge others unfairly or bias people towards one another.
Because there's no baggage, in a weird way, it really is the purest form of interaction.
Thanks for expressing what I've been wanting to, but just couldn't do without making myself sick :) So instead, I am now writing a post about the baggage that comes with dying your hair. Far less deep, but hopefully insightful!
Thanks, Minka, I think. Not sure if that is a compliment or backhanded insult, but ummm yea ok.
Wow, guess I fucked that one up. Sorry. Was meant as a compliment, no back-handedness involved. In my non-caffeinated stupor, I apparently didn't articulate very well the idea that you had said -- with eloquence and sincerity -- what I'd been wanting/trying to say but had been fucking it up/weighing it down with so much sap that it diminished the substance. Didn't mean to suggest anything otherwise. Again, my apologies. Next time I'll be sure to bring my A game, or at least something better than a C-.
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