We do for others because we don't know how to do for ourselves. We do for others because we feel it is the only way to make up for the damage we feel our craziness is doing to society. We do for others because it makes us feel good when nothing else in the whole world does, not even pills. We stay quiet and sit in the corner because others seem so much more needy. We require so little, you and I. A fact which does not sit well with others who would label us as too much to handle. When in truth, all those such as us really need is a bit of understanding, a bit of reciprocation, maybe a touch on the cheek once in a while and a sly wink. The rest of the world is needy. I'd rather be crazy. ~~Aimee

Monday, 9 May 2011

Vomiting Shit & Noon Day Demons

Other people have random thoughts I vomit shit and you get to clean it up.  Aren't you happy you stopped in now?!

After much searching, I FINALLY came across a copy of Noonday Demon that was recommended by Hed. (waves Hi Hed hope you feel better soon). Except the only copy I could find was an audio copy and I am easily distracted by bright shiny balls of lint so I am slowly making my way through this book. In order to focus I have been basically writing down my thoughts and things the author says as he goes along. It forces me to actually pay attention. I am a visual person. I need to see IT or else I don't understand. Also whoever told the author it was a good idea he read this book himself was a total asshat and should be fired immediately. 

So I plan on posting periodically about my thoughts on the book as well as the notes themselves just so I have a lasting record and can easily refer back to them to refresh my memory because I have CRS and am lucky that I remember my name most days.

I have been feeling extremely anxious the last few days. I am not totally sure why. I think part of it is the upcoming trip Jigger is taking next month. I don't get a long with my in-laws very well and Jigger is my buffer. I am not sure what to expect without my buffer around. He has been my stabilizing factor for the last few years and I am not sure how I will be stable without him. I also worry that he may not come back and then what? Irrational? Of course I wouldn't be me otherwise. 

I found out yesterday one of my SIL's is two months pregnant which also freaks me out. It's taken me two years to get Jigger's family to stop asking me when we are having kids. Umm let me think that would be never. So I also know that without him here it will most likely come up again. Because you know my answer could change if you ask me a million and ONE times as opposed to just asking me a million times. 

I actually started this post in order to talk about something specific, but now for the life of me I have no fucking clue what that thing was so fuck me. I shall leave you with a song instead because music makes the world pretty and sometimes the world just needs to be pretty.

PS: If you ever wonder how analy obsessive compulsively organized I am. I edited this post just so I could justify the last sentence because apparently when I went to align the post I missed the last sentence and it wasn't aligned properly and if  I didn't align it, then os*ma would come back from the "dead" and knock the earth off its axis and baby kittens would die. You can thank me later for saving the world. 


Lance said...

Bobina doesn't care for my mom and sister. When we have to get together with my side of the family she kind of checks outs, lets the kids have their fun with their grandparents and aunt, and smiles a lot. I don't like Bo having to act or put on a fake smile but it's what gets her through. I wouldn;t care if she told my mom and sis to go f themselves but Bobina won;t do that because she's awesome.

Remember why you care for Jigger, and what's more important? temporary insanity or him?

I am becoming too big of a fan or you, Hed, and the awesome Aimee. You guys are the best.

hed said...

You found it! Yay! I hope you like it or at least some of the things he says makes sense, or I'm gonna feel like a douchehat.


Maasiyat said...

Lance, that is pretty much what I do too, but I think it's just not having him here that is freaking me out and well those irrational thoughts are slowly creeping into all areas.

Hed, so far I am really liking it and he definitely hits the nail on the head. I just wish he wasn't reading it because OMFG whoever came up with that idea was drunk or had forgotten to take their meds that day because his voice is soooo irrating. But other than I am really enjoying it. I want to get through a bit more of it and get my head around it before I start posting about it though.

Miss Rosie said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets OCD about how my post looks and edits over and over

Maasiyat said...

Miss Rosie, you are definitely not alone. I hit preview about a bazillion times and I still almost always end up editing it twice after I publish it. Either I don't like the alignment or I notice a word is not spelled right and I feel if I don't correct it, then the world will slip off its axis and go hurtling into the sun.


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